


Nailed It

by Groot_Is_God



Category: Brooklyn Nine-Nine (TV)
Genre: Gen, Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta Friendship, Gina Linetti is a queen, Headaches & Migraines, Jake Likes Amy But Doesn't Want To Admit It, Jake Peralta is Bad at Feelings, Nail Polish, Pre Jake Peralta/Amy Santiago, Season/Series 01
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-27
Updated: 2020-05-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24397312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Groot_Is_God/pseuds/Groot_Is_God
Summary: God this case was messed up. And not the level of messed up they saw everyday that came with being a homicide detective in the NYPD, this case was some Gina level crazy shit, and that was saying something.Jake’s day had actually started pretty normal, all things considered. He’d gotten to work only 10 minutes late, a new record, Charles only asked about his sex life once, and he’d only accidentally caused 1 bull-pen distracting incident which didn’t even end in departmental damage this time! (it wasn’t his fault that Algernon had decided he wanted part of Amy’s muffin, plus Amy was the one that forced him to clean all the food out of his desk which meant that Algernon went hungry, so if it was anyone’s fault, it was Amy’s).And then Captain Holt had given him this mess of a case that seemed to take everything normal in the world and throw it out the freaking window. Who the hell names their cat cow?
Relationships: Gina Linetti & Jake Peralta, Jake Peralta & Amy Santiago
Comments: 2
Kudos: 21





	Nailed It

**Author's Note:**

> I have to say, I didn't really mean to write this before updating my other fic, but this kinda just happened and poof here it is.

_The victim was found by patrol at 11:06am after a neighbor called dispatch. During her interview the neighbor explained that her cat, named cow, had been acting strangely so she’d called her psychic Luinda, who’d told her that she could see that her cat was being bothered by something with the colors orange, teal, and yellow, and a loud unusual noise. The neighbor then reported she heard a loud bang coming from next door followed by a long moo, which she found to be unusual. She went out into the hallway, cow in tow, and discovered the victim’s door to be open. In her surprise at finding the victim dead she dropped cow who immediately jumped onto the body, potentially compromising evidence, and getting blood all over himself before running through the apartment._

God this case was messed up. And not the level of messed up they saw everyday that came with being a homicide detective in the NYPD, this case was some Gina level crazy shit, and that was saying something.

Jake’s day had actually started pretty normal, all things considered. He’d gotten to work only 10 minutes late, a new record, Charles only asked about his sex life once, and he’d only accidentally caused 1 bull-pen distracting incident which didn’t even end in departmental damage this time! (it wasn’t his fault that Algernon had decided he wanted part of Amy’s muffin, plus Amy was the one that forced him to clean all the food out of his desk which meant that Algernon went hungry, so if it was anyone’s fault, it was Amy’s).

And then Captain Holt had given him this mess of a case that seemed to take everything normal in the world and throw it out the freaking window. Who the hell names their cat _cow_?

The crime scene had been a mess, thanks to _cow_. The cat had gotten blood _everywhere_ , even places where Jake couldn’t imagine how he got there, but there were paw prints to prove it. If he had to type that stupid cats name in his report one more time he was going to march over to forensics and just murder the cat himself.

The words on the screen in front of him began to blur together as he typed, trying to put the scene into words that made sense, but it _didn’t_ make sense in the first place which made trying to type up the report almost impossible. He just couldn’t find the right words, couldn’t concentrate on what he was trying to do, couldn’t work with this damn…

A sharp throb in the back of his head interrupted his thoughts. It was centered on the right side, right where Jenny Gildenhorn used to put one of her pigtails in elementary school when he’d pull them. Huh, maybe Charles was right about that pigtail thing…

No. Wait- No. He had a report to write.

He didn’t _want_ to write the report, but if he didn’t then captain Holt would babysit him on all his cases and that sucked so he _had_ to write the report. But he _couldn’t_ write the report with them damn headache which he couldn’t get rid of because he didn’t know what was _causing_ the headache because- God what was that smell?

It smelled like chemicals that were eating his nose, filling the air around him with no place to go. Jake sat up in his chair and rolled his shoulders back, wincing as his back cracked. _God_ that felt good, but it did absolutely nothing for the throb in his head.

He glanced over at Hitchcock and Scully who were- not doing anything any more gross than they normally do. Right now, they seemed to be intently painting pictures of each other using ketchup and mustard.

Boyle was out on a case with Rosa so he wasn’t eating anything gross that could be causing the smell. ‘ _Plus, Charles doesn’t eat chemicals on a regular basis.’_ Jake’s brain helpfully added.

‘ _Shut up brain’_ Jake thought back, rolling his eyes at himself, which- wow. This was a whole other level of sad and weird and maybe Cow the cat was rubbing off on him…

Jake shook his head, forcing himself to move on to the last part of the bullpen directly in front of him and- bingpot. Gina was painting her nails.

 _That’s_ what was causing the disgusting smell and that’s what was causing that annoying throb in the back of his head that he could do without thank you very much.

It wasn’t like he’d never been around nail polish before, growing up as Gina’s best friend pretty much guaranteed that. Around every two weeks-ish (although it could have been way more or way less time than that, he’d always been terrible at telling time) Gina would pull Jake out onto the fire escape outside Nana’s apartment where they’d set up shop, not leaving until all of Gina’s nails were painted to perfection, something that could take _hours_.

Jake had even managed to pick up some decent skills painting nails because Gina couldn’t do her left hand and it had to look just as good as the right one. But no matter what, the worse smell the nail polish had, the worse of a headache Jake got. Always in the same spot, always annoying. It hadn’t happened in so long that he’d completely forgotten about it, but the pieces of the puzzle had popped together in his head, solving the mystery.

Jake flopped back in his chair, turning slightly to the side so he could still see Gina with his head hanging over the back of his chair. “Hey Gina, could you _not_ paint your nails inside? It smells worse than Scully’s feet.” He asked, a slight whine injecting itself into his voice.

“Sorry boo no can do. The G-hive is waiting for an update on this new glitter polish and I can’t disappoint.” Gina replied, not even looking up from her nails.

Jake sighed and resigned himself to his fate. “Thanks, Gina.”

He knew that if he told her why he was asking she would stop, there are a couple of people in the world she does care about, one of those people being him, but it didn’t really matter at that point. The only thing he could do was sleep it off, pain meds had never really done that much for him.

But that wasn’t an option he had a report to finish before his shift ended in- jake glanced at the clock in the corner of his screen- 3 hours. He only had 3 hours to go until he could go home and crash on the couch.

Jake stretched and rolled his shoulders back. 3 hours wasn’t that long right? He took a deep breath and started typing.

…

“ _Peralta_. Peralta. Jake!”

Jake jumped, face sore from where it had been laying on his keyboard. From the amused look on Amy’s face the keys had imprinted onto his skin. He looked around, taking his bearings. Nothing had changed much around him other than the clocks hands had moved forwards 2 hours and Hitchcock and Scully were now wiping condiments off of their paintings with hotdogs.

“Take a nosedive into your keyboard?” Amy asked playfully, her face all scrunched up like she was trying not to laugh but failing terribly at it.

Jake groaned and leaned back, cracking his back and stretching out his arms. The back of his head still pulsed, as if saying ‘ _hey, I’m still here!’_ although it was welcome to jump in a cab and never come back as far as he was concerned.

“I guess so.” Jake replied, clearing his voice. “I was just typing out this banger of a report and must have nodded off.”

Amy craned her neck around the side of the screen, putting her head right next to his. With how close she was she could count her eyelashes if he wanted to. But he didn’t because that would be weird. Only weird people would do that kind of thing, or people who liked other people and Jake _definitely_ did not like Amy. Nope, totally not. Not at all.

“Your report looks like a bunch of keyboard jumble.” Amy commented, taking a step back and smirking.

Keyboard jumble? Jake looked at the screen and- oh. His face and apparently decided to write his report for him. Jake sighed and deleted about a page and a half of random letters. He started to type again but felt Amy’s eyes on him. She had an unreadable look on her face.

Jake raised an eyebrow at her. “Can I help you Santiago?”

Amy opened and closed her mouth, apparently trying to decide what to say. “Are you ok? You look weird.”

“Are you ok, you look weird title of your sex tape.” Jake replied instantaneously, smirking at her. Amy rolled her eyes good-naturedly but fixed him with an _answer my question dumbass_ look, a look he got quite often. “Just a little headache, I’ll be fine. Just need a good night’s rest.”

Amy looked at him for another minute before nodding and sitting down at her desk and typing something on her computer. “Well we’ll be off shift in an hour, if you can make it that long without letting your face write your report for you.”

Jake rolled his eyes but grinned, nonetheless. The smell of nail polish was nearly gone, and Gina was nowhere to be seen, unsurprisingly. He turned back to his computer and started typing. Only an hour and then he’d be free to go home and crash.

“Santiago, Peralta. I am aware that your shirt ends in one hour, and I apologize, but I have a case for you.” Captain Holt called, standing in his office door, and walking over to their desks.

Jake sighed, there was no way he was getting home anytime soon. But hopefully as soon as the nail polish smell went away so would his headache.

“Where’s the cap-i-ton?” Jake asked, grinning.

Holt stared at him blankly for a moment before turning to Amy. “Here is the case file Santiago. Please be prompt with your arrival at the crime scene.” He instructed before walking back to his office.

Jake gawked openmouthed at Holt’s back while Amy practically squealed with glee. Jake glanced at her and rolled his eyes. “Where are we going Ames?”

Amy glanced sideways at him. “Don’t call me that or I’ll start calling you Pineapples in front of everyone.” Jake put his hands up in surrender. It was bad enough that Amy had called him that in front of his former idol, but if Charles heard about it, he would _never_ hear the end of it.

Amy nodded pleasantly. “The owner of a nail salon not far from here was murdered in her store, witnesses report hearing gunshots 49 minutes ago.” She stood up and grabbed her bag. “Are you driving, or am I?”

“I’ll drive- wait. Did you say nail salon?” Jake asked, standing up.

“Yeah, come on, Captain said to be prompt.” Amy said, walking towards the elevator.

Jake groaned and grabbed his things. He was going to have a serious talk with Cow the cat later about ruining his day because it was totally all that stupid named cats’ fault. Stupid Cow. Stupid nail polish.

He caught up with Amy in the elevator. Amy hit the button for the first floor, then looked up, her eyes lightening. “Hey, did you see Gina’s new glitter nail polish? She was talking about it non-stop earlier before telling me that it wouldn’t match my pantsuit.” Her voice got quieter as she talked, especially when she got to the pantsuit part.

Jake groaned and banged his head against the wall. God, this was going to be a long night.

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos give me life!  
> Also, if you like video edits come give me a follow over on Instagram @ coolcool_ourmadeupnames


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